For families, partners and friends · Adults 18+
How to talk to someone about their drinking or drug use.
You can't make another adult change. You can say what you've seen, say that you care and leave the door open.
If you're afraid of how they may react, your safety comes first. Don't raise it alone. Talk to a domestic abuse helpline first. If you're in danger, call 999.
Before you say anything
- Pick your momentWhen they're sober and things are calm. Not during a row, and not while they're drinking or using.
- Choose one thing to sayNot a list of everything that has happened.
- Know what you can offerA lift to an appointment, or sitting with them while they make a call.
- Get some support firstYou can call a family helpline yourself, before you talk to them.
Words you can borrow
Change them so that they sound like you.
- To start"Can I talk to you about something? It's because I care about you."
- Say what you've seen"I've noticed you've been drinking most nights, and you've seemed really low."
- Say how it affects you"I've been worried, and I'm not sleeping."
- Ask, then listen"How do you feel things are going?" Then give them time to answer.
- Offer one thing"If you ever want to talk to someone, I'll sit with you while you call."
What usually makes it harder
- Going through every past event.
- Threats you won't carry out.
- Trying to get a promise out of them on the spot.
- Having the conversation when they're intoxicated.
If they say no, or get angry
You've still said it, and they'll remember that. You don't have to win today. You could say: "OK. I've said what I needed to. The offer stands." If they keep blaming you or asking for money, these words may help.
If alcohol is involved, don't press them to stop overnight
If they drink heavily every day, stopping suddenly can be dangerous. It's better to encourage them to talk to a GP or a helpline first. Read why here.
Support for you
Al-Anon 0800 0086 811, DrugFAM 0300 888 3853, or Scottish Families 08080 10 10 11. You don't need the other person's permission, and they don't have to be getting help. See all the UK helplines.
Where the facts come from
Service details checked against these pages on 4 November 2026. Tell us if something has changed.
Keep this on your phone
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If you need help now
From Chris Nugent, Quiet Strength Recovery. This comes from lived experience of addiction and recovery. How these guides are checked.
For adults 18+. Peer support and education from lived experience. Not medical treatment, and not a replacement for professional or emergency help. Outside the UK, use your local emergency number.