For families, partners and friends · Adults 18+
Caring without taking over.
A daily mirror, not a judgement. Exhaustion, fear and wanting peace can pull families into rescuing. Tick only what actually happened today.
Today...
- I paid a bill or debt that was their responsibility.
- I lied, made an excuse or covered up what happened.
- I cleaned up or repaired a mess they made while intoxicated.
- I gave money because saying no felt harder than giving in.
- I took over a responsibility they could reasonably handle themselves.
- I changed my boundary because I feared their anger, guilt or reaction.
- I protected them from a consequence that belonged to their choice.
- I cancelled my own needs or plans to manage their crisis.
These are prompts, not a diagnosis of codependency or intent.
Then ask
What was I afraid would happen if I did not step in? What boundary or support would make a different response possible next time?
One realistic change is enough.
What to do with your answers
Nobody ticks none of these. A tick isn't a fault. It shows where fear, love or tiredness did the deciding. Pick the one that cost you most this week and ask what a slightly different response would be. Then read about setting a boundary.
Looking after yourself isn't abandoning them
You can love someone and stop paying for what their addiction costs. You also deserve support in your own right, whether or not they ever get help.
- Al-AnonAnyone affected by someone else's drinking: 0800 0086 811.
- DrugFAMFamilies affected by drug or alcohol use: 0300 888 3853.
- NacoaAnyone affected by a parent's drinking: 0800 358 3456.
- Scottish FamiliesAnyone in Scotland worried about someone: 08080 10 10 11.
More on the UK helplines page.
Keep this on your phone
Quiet Sisters Recovery has this check with space to write, and it stays private on your phone. It's free, with no account.
If you need help now
From Chris Nugent, Quiet Strength Recovery. This comes from lived experience of addiction and recovery.
For adults 18+. Peer support and education from lived experience. Not medical treatment, and not a replacement for professional or emergency help. Outside the UK, use your local emergency number.